One Step Closer to my YES

Last month Dressed Like Kings was hit with a slew, okay two letters that began:

Dear Ms. Holman,

Thank you very much…

Pause. The infamous words of ‘thank you’ that in everyday activity is said after one has received a generous gift, displayed an act of kindness, or a surprise… not a rejection letter. At this point I debated whether or not to continue reading to see how gently the blow would be or place it in the folder marked ‘Misc.’ aka ‘Round File.’ Instead I chose to skim through the letter looking for those key words followed by ‘thank you’: understand, tough, overwhelming, urge, next, wish, regards.

Next. When one receives such a letter at least in the case of the first one I felt invigorated and driven. The letter was nothing but a springboard to launch my next plan of attack to secure funds for my film. After my phone consultation (you get a chance to speak with the funder who will tell you why you got the ‘Thank you’ letter) I was even more convinced that my revived approach and plan of attack to raise the funds was seamless.

The grant approach has been daunting and at times I really think that they will give the money to the person who applies the most. Side bar, they now know my name (i.e. my film) at one of the grant places, which is a good thing, I think. This time around (I won’t reveal how many) I truly felt confident about the arc, the character development and the drama. Dressed Like Kings was finally working on paper and from the scenes the editor was cutting it was working visually as well.

Breath. One thing about grants is that it is truly a waiting process and this most recent ‘thank you’ letter was a test of my patience and lack of. When the date of notifying applications approached I didn’t hear a thing. ‘No news is good news’ I consoled myself, but after a week no news wasn’t such good news.

I felt like I was walking a plank as I dug for the number to the funder and after a minute of connecting to the right person I didn’t get a ‘thank you’ instead I got, “We’ve sent out all the letters last week. You haven’t gotten anything? Oh, I’ll resend it, what’s the name of your project?” From her casual tone I knew the fate, and the email that funny enough came straight through, confirmed my prediction, another ‘thank you.’

In a matter of seconds, my confidence dwindled and a shadow of doubt and fear towered over my faith in my story and my filmmaking. “How many ‘thank you’s’ can someone take?” I cried! My answer came from my dad who said, “Just think, you’re one step closer to your yes.”